Simple Steps to Great Anime Hair

Sitting in the grocery store, you're almost forced to read the magazines / tabloids because apparently the checkers are all secretly taking part in some sort of competition in which they try to get the most people to leave their line because they are moving so slowly. The majority of the magazines at grocery store checkout stands have covers that read "10 simple steps to great skin!", "5 Easy Ways to Bail Out of Relationship You Don't Want to Be In", or "Great Abs in 8 Days" (the answer to which, at least partially, is do not buy the Snickers bar directly underneath the magazine), or some other such title.

After my obviously frustrating trip to the grocery store today, I picked up some friends from the airport, and when I stepped out of the car, one of them -- who definitely isn't even into this -- said: "Holy crap. You look like one of those anime characters. That's awesome!"

Those two experiences today, coupled with my voiced disdain for JapAnime, are the basis for this entry. I'll admit that whether I like anime or not, the glimpses I've seen of the characters' hair are pretty sweet.

Backtracking the steps that culminated into my hair attaining such unbridled awesomeness, I decided to make the only blog entry in which I disperse fashion advice, knowing full well that there is a less than 1% chance anyone will do this. I call it 7 Simple Steps to great anime hair. Why 7? Probably because it's all I could come up with:

1) Be part-Asian, or at least of an ethnicity that inclines you to having hair that is thick, straight, and doesn't like to move once it's set.
1a) Clarifying the meaning of 'part', this would mean at least 1/4 Asian. Anything less than this, and you can forget about it: You were born a generation too late and should proceed to blame your parents for not marrying into more diversity.
1b) If you are not of Asian descent but have similar hair, you are at a decided disadvantage because even if you go through with the steps and get the hair right, pulling off the entire anime look is going to be much more tough. This is not racial. It is fact.

2) Don't cut your hair for at least three months.

3) I know you're probably guessing "lots of gel." This is only partially true. Your 'gel' has to be so sticky that it is categorized as a borderline adhesive, and can be found in both the Home Repair and Hair Products Departments of the store.

4) The gel needs to have sat overnight, meaning you applied it after you took a shower yesterday morning.

5) Instead of taking your normal morning shower, go and play a sport that requires a lot of running:
5a) preferably soccer;
5b) preferably for at least an hour and a half;
5c) preferably in 90% humidity so that you are drenched with sweat.

6) Be occupied with running errands after playing the sport from (5) that you can't take a shower immediately after.

7) Take useless pictures of your hair and make a blog entry about it.