Apparently, I'm the Nic Cage Guy Now? Awesome.

Thanks to my unabashed and -- by unanimous consensus, unhealthy -- lust for things such as bacon and root beer, friends and family often kindly go out of their way to pass on interesting news stories about said topics... or, when they are feeling particularly generous, to buy me associated products. Off the top of my head, I can think of many items given to me: a bacon chocolate bar (consumed with a quizzical, yet satisfied, look on my face); membership to a Root Beer of the Month Club (the only thing I looked forward to for three months straight); random obscure root beers from distant lands (consumed with gratitude); a bacon air freshener (presently stinking up my car); a bacon-bits-topped chocolate muffin (surprisingly good); and, gummy candy that looked uncannily like bacon. You get the idea: There are advantages to publicizing what you like.

I'm afraid, however, that my thorough and accurate analysis from a while back about Mr. Nic Cage and the trajectory of his career (disclaimer: I realize "downward spiral" may not technically be a trajectory for you physics nerds, but deal with it) may have conveyed that I want to know everything I can about the guy.

First, there was an article that Google News somehow inferred that I wanted to read about him while he is out promoting his new movie, in which he shared his own personal experience with home invasion. I will only paste an excerpt:

"It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed," he told reporters on Wednesday.

"I know it sounds funny ... but it was horrifying."

A Fudgesicle is a frozen, ice cream-like snack.

 (Reuters seeing fit to explain what a fudgesicle is is probably the best part of the article.)

Anyway, yesterday, I got this email from my sister about a man who found an 1870s photograph of a Nic Cage doppelganger. The email simply said, "This made me think of you." Behold the photo:

Give him a Hawaiian shirt and some longer, dishevelled hair, and you have Raising Arizona

I'm all about old photos, but you have to admit that 1870s photography didn't quite capture the crazy of Nic Cage like modern film does. I present to the jury Exhibit A & B and rest my case:

Anyway, apparently I am not only "The Bacon Guy" and "The Root Beer Guy" -- appellations I am very proud of -- but I am now also "The Nic Cage Guy." The only time I felt more misunderstood was when a Japanese man heard me speaking my 4-month old Japanese and asked "Anata wa seishinbyo ja nai*?"

*You're retarded, right?

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Greek Cultures

I need someone to please explain to me how the Greeks are in financial trouble. Have you seen how much they're selling their yogurt for? I was in the grocery store and was appalled. They've gotta be making a KILLING.

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Reasons to Visit Utah

I suppose one could speculate that the real reasons we went were to visit a new nephew, see family, see the awesome mountains, and eat some, in my opinion, overrated Cafe Rio (<-- Mrs. RoSA will kill me if she sees this) -- and those were our stated objectives -- but that person would be wrong. I was there to eat the best chips in the world:

...and to drink the best root beer in the world:

...and then to procure and bring them home in ridiculous enough quantities that security at the airport wants to look in your bags and confirm that, yes, all those large bags they saw in your carry-ons are actually full of chips. I can't blame them, really, as three large, "party size" bags of any kind of chips are anomalous enough to raise suspicion.

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Denny's Drunken Party

Well, this picture came in from White Josh earlier this week:

Yes, some marketing nerd at Denny's is currently patting himself on the back in self-congratulation for his play on "bacchanalia." Unfortunately for him -- and by extension, Denny's -- I'm afraid that the wit of his wordplay will probably be lost on the intended audience, as I don't think the vast majority of Denny's customers are familiar enough with Roman history / mythology to know what bacchanalia were. Unfortunately for me, I do know what bacchanalia are, and linking Denny's and its customers with the drunken, debauchery-filled Roman orgies called "bacchanalia" is perhaps the last thing I ever want to imagine. Ever.

This is more the image I associate with Denny's:



And these are the follow-up images of the menu that Josh sent. Behold, the overuse of bacon:

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Weekly Selects #46

--Via Email from Sister Jen, an article for all the vegetarians:

my kind of gateway drug (click here for article)

The esteem in which bacon is held can grow no larger, as apparently it serves as the gateway meat through which vegetarians transform from being conscientious abstainers to maniacally tracking, killing, and skinning their own meat and then eating it raw (all of this done, of course, with blood-shot eyes and a frothing mouth).

Why Xena? I have no idea. It was the best picture I could find. 

--Via Email from Josh M:

And I thought the Japanese were nuts...

Yes, there is a restaurant in Taiwan that is toilet-themed. What do I mean by toilet-themed? Here's an excerpt:

In the beginning, we mainly sold ice cream – a big pile of chocolate ice cream sold in containers shaped like a squat toilet.

It is really quite disgusting, actually, and I hope that when China invades Taiwan they launch at least 20 of the 20,000 short-range missiles that they have aimed at the small island-nation at this restaurant. It's all I ask.

Coincidentally, Kate sent me this very amusing article of the 10 Weirdest Restaurants Around the World. It really is worth checking out.


--Via Email from JMill:

This may be one of my favorite videos of all time

Hopefully it works for you. I don't know why this is so funny, but it is.


--Via IM from Josh M (click here for full article):

A woman who appeared on the American program “My Strange Addiction” shocked audiences when she admitted her bizarre habit of eating sofa stuffing....[and] has eaten a total of seven couches and two chairs.

A psychologist said that the woman may need to find other ways to alleviate stress, which I thought was more than obvious. Some better ways to relieve stress, just off the top of my head: ANYTHING BUT EATING SOFA STUFFING.

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The Double Down -- Photo(s) of the Week 1 June 2010

So, I'm assuming you've at least seen, and been disgusted by, the commercials for KFC's Double Down -- the sandwich that was marketed as having "so much meat, there wasn't room for a bun"? It's the two fried pieces of chicken holding together cheese, bacon, and KFC's "special sauce."

Chunk had been talking about giving it a try. So we decided to go for it:

My recommendation: Bring lots of water with you when you try this thing, because I think it contains your weekly value for sodium. I was dehydrated for the entire day following eating this thing. And I only had two bites...

Hope you had a good Memorial Day weekend. Have a good week!

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Weekly Selects #36

Sorry 'bout missing last week. Let's do this:

-Via Google Reader, and email from White Josh:

Headline: Biker's corpse propped on motorcycle for three-day wake

So this dude was murdered (sad, and unfortunate), but his last wish was to be propped up on his bike.

Well, this makes me think about a few things, besides the obvious "Huh?" that some of you may have on the tips of your tongues. It got me thinking about what worldly possession I care about enough to be buried with, propped up on/against, or put in my hands in the casket. Root beer? Bacon? A good book? An awesome chrome Barbecue grill? I have no idea.

White Josh chimed in with:

You can prop me up with my racquet and goggles. Yacquetball for lizife.

Yacquetball is a story for another time, but let's just say it was a game we made up at college involving racquetball equipment, eye and/or crotch protection, and caused $800+ damage to the basement of our dorm hall.

-Via Google Reader:

cupcakes flying out of a 120psi cupcake cannon and into people's faces.

I don't know why that's so awesome. But it is.

-Via Email from White Josh, from Williams & Sonoma:

Speaking of BBQ'ing...

Why brand something that you're just going to stuff in your face? Someone needs to explain the relevance of this to me. I mean, yeah, it's cool because it feeds the ego -- I won't deny that seeing 'JD' branded onto a steak would be awesome -- but still...

-Via Email from Case, LOST-inspired Bentos from www.aibento.net:

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Weekly Selects #33

Now for the Nyquil-fueled edition of the weekly Highlights...

-Via TXT from Case, who took a trip to NYC that I was unfortunately unable to participate in:

Who is missing from this picture?

Well, knowing Case, I'm assuming this was an attempted guilt trip on me, but who knows? Case could be crazy and imagining he has his arm around someone.

-Via Email from JMill, another Japanese video with lots of ripping clothes and fire-breathing:



In my high school film editing class some buddies and I were going to do a Bruce Lee documentary, starring yours truly (who has never taken a martial arts class in his life). The opening scene was going to have a gong sound, me screaming with primal fury, and then my (pre-cut) shirt ripping from my body. Similar to this video, really, 'cept I can assure you that a black speedo was never, ever a remotely considered concept.

(JMill also sent me one or two (a Star Wars rap --If you want to see Darth Vader rap, the fusion of hip hop and Star Wars geek culture is awesome) other videos that are worth checking out if you happen to have the time.)

-Via Email from Nartker:

Mel and I successfully put together a LARGE dresser from Ikea today ...I'm not admitting how many hours it took ,but I thought of u everytime I looked at those ridiculous directions. I'm convinced that convicts in whatever country ikea is from are paid 13 cents an hour to come up with those directions.... It makes sense that there are no written instructions... They can't read or write!

It's the best theory I've heard about Ikea's frustrating assembly instructions so far.

-Via Email from Julie:

kind of gross, kind of cool

 from thisisfreakingridiculous.com

That's right. Things made from bacon that shouldn't be, including an AK-47, hats, and bras.

I actually had strong words with Butzie this afternoon because his G-chat status that read "pepperoni is the new bacon." When I challenged him on it, he responded with "I dare you to try the meatball pepperoni footlong from subway and then tell me that bacon is better." We eventually came to an agreement that if the pepperoni sandwich isn't better, I have free license to him with an actual sandwich.

I say we open up the challenge to anyone -- let me know how the pepperoni meatball is, and then we can collectively beat Butzie with subway sandwiches next time we see him.

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Weekly Selects #28

Have some DC to catch up on after being out last week:

-Via Email from Kate and Barbaloot, who sent me their favorite Calvin & Hobbes-inspired snowmen:

 

 

-Via Email from Pops Dalton, who felt the need to clarify the Ewok entry:

The scene you refer to about asking you on camera what you got for X-mas, I was probably trying really hard not to burst out laughing out loud, which would have harmed your growing sense of self-esteem.  It's OK to embellish stories for dramatic effect but let's try and keep the basic story straight.

Well, I stand corrected. The patriarch has spoken.

-Via Email from Jay, sending me an article about the arrogance of Priuses and their owners. My favorite line:

Prius owners work very hard to get as many miles per gallon as they can to win a game they like to call Getting in an Accident While Staring at a Screen with a Dumb Graphic.

The article is quite hilarious, and helps put things in perspective for consumers that think a little too much of the products they own/use...off the top of my head, I can think of a few groups of people: Mac users; 'LOST' watchers; Whole Foods shoppers. You get the idea.

-Via Email from Case:

Bacon candles homie

This just makes me think of Jan's candle business on The Office.

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Weekly Selects #25

Thanks, all, for submissions. DC for the week:

-Via TXT from Josh M, regarding his attending the ballet:

Not too shabby...Could've done without the bulging packages though.

Well, if ever there was a reason not to appreciate good performing arts, I think Josh M just summarized it nicely via SMS.

-Via Picture TXT from DJA:

Genius. Now only if theyd taste a bit more like bacon.

Really, why do we keep putting off the inevitable? I'm telling you: Bacon-flavored bacon.

-Via Email from Casey, about 12 Creepy Dolls. The Japanese aren't ones to be outdone:

Check out the doll from Japan. Weird dude, just plain weird

Yup. In addition to times tables and grammar, learning to shave baby dolls is essential to every Japanese schoolkids' education. Right...?

-Via GChat from JMill:

this is my song for you

Yup. Top that.

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The Chip Holder -- Photo of the Week 2 Feb 2010

Frustrated with eating chips at work and getting grease all over your keyboard? Well, the Japanese were, and they came up with the robotic chip holder. Sent by Rijen:

Even though it may be slightly ridiculous (read: totally superfluous), I appreciate the idea. Only it won't work in America.

In the land that has glorified competitive eating and declares unashamedly that "bigger is better," who is going to eat potato chips delicately, one at a time (NOBODY)? The American model needs to contain some of these improvements: 1. A mechanical hand in a cupping shape to maximize the cramming of chips into your face; 2. A mechanical hand with more than one moving finger -- c'mon, God gave us four fingers so we can grip more chips at once to maximize shoving.


Happy Monday!

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Weekly Selects #21

-Via Email from J2K:

Rotten Tomatoes just released the worst movies of the 2000’s, Battlefield Earth got 27th. Personally I think it deserved a single digit place.

Agreed. The only thing Battlefield Earth has done is give me some great material to write about and serve as a standard for how to make the WORST MOVIE EVER.

-Via Email from a coworker, Danni, from here; I know Halloween is past, but whatever:

something to make your inner geek laugh hysterically...You have to love when you have less than $10 to spend on a Halloween costume

Well, you also have to admire the umm...resourcefulness of this family. Economical, really -- because did you see this Jabba the Hut costume? $60!

OK. Enough with outdated holiday-related stuff.

-Via Email from AM:

SUBJECT: i am an addict

I find myself ending all my stressed-out exclamations with this phrase: "I need sushi."  For example: "This is a mess.  I don't even know where to start.  I need sushi."
"I have 22 missed calls.  I need sushi."
"I missed another typo.  I need sushi."
"What a disaster.  I need sushi."

For someone who, no more than two months ago, would recoil and curl up like a frightened pillbug at the mere mention of sushi, the pendulum seems to have swung the other way with AM. Addiction takes many forms -- this one has come in the form of vinegared rice, dried seaweed, and the occasional piece of raw fish. Well, I couldn't be prouder.

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Ham, Illegal Drugs, and Iraqi Diseases

You might be wondering what those three have in common, and I hope nobody was thinking "Christmas dinner with the family."

Yesterday was a strange day. Someone brought in a whole ham left over from a family dinner party and left it in the kitchenette next to my cubicle. My coworkers converged like vultures on a dead carcass (I suppose that technically, it was a carcass -- albeit a honey-baked one). Now, I would be a hypocrite to call it strange to capitalize on free food -- when people bring in jelly-filled donuts I'm the one at the front knocking old women out of the way. The strange thing was watching coworker after coworker leave the kitchenette with a handful of ham wrapped in a paper towel -- apparently there was a shortage of plates.

Next, there was the office-wide email with directions for the holiday gift exchange. It listed the prohibited items, two of which were "illegal drugs" and "knives (with blades exceeding 2 1/2 inches in length)." You know what this means, right? This means that SOMEONE HAS TRIED TO DO THIS BEFORE. "Man, Scott has been such a good mentor to me this past year. I'm thinking he would enjoy a fruit basket and some angel dust."

Finally, Ben called to inquire about my recent illness and the sequence of my symptoms. When did I have a sore throat? How long did that last? Did I have a fever at any point? It was like an episode of House, only Ben didn't insult me, and I didn't have a gruesome symptom like blood gushing out my eyes -- instead, he told me that he had been sick with similar symptoms, and then the surpriser: "[Based on the unique symptoms] I think we have an Iraqi bug of some sort." Ben's an MD, so I'm guessing I have been infected with some sort of Middle Eastern virus.

Wait -- what?

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Weekly Selects #16

This one's embed-heavy near the end. Enjoy:


-Via Email from Ring-dawg:

I think you will appreciate this.

An article titled "Bacon Gets Its Just Desserts" from NPR, with some recipes. Bacon is King.

Bacon has really experienced a meteoric rise in the last half decade, I feel, and based on the declining influence of the US dollar as a universally accepted currency, I'm predicting that 20 years from now we will be trading in bacon. Mobsters will be making shady deals exchanging briefcases containing stacks of rubber-banded strips of bacon; robbers will be seen fleeing banks with bags rendered semi-transparent from soaked bacon grease; bacon-bits will be the equivalent of pennies -- technically worth something, but disregarded and viewed with open disdain. Mark my words.


-Via Gchat from JMill:

I found your blog competitor
http://chopstika.blogspot.com/2009/12/whats-in-blog.html
your nemesis
seriously, she stole your blog

JMill has a much stronger vindictive streak than you would give her cheery personality credit for. Once, when Einstein's Bagels didn't make her breakfast sandwich the way she wanted it, she FLIPPED. I don't want to go into details, but let's just say that the manager of that particular Einstein's got the worst of it; that a taser, 20 yards of saran wrap, and a bar of Irish Spring soap in a sock were involved (don't ask); and there are currently arrest warrants out on JMill effective in three northern VA counties. It wasn't pretty (and neither are her mugshots hanging up on the WANTED posters in the local post office. /shudder/).

Or maybe she just wrote a letter to Einstein's corporate headquarters voicing her complaints about service received and got a $25 gift certificate for her troubles? I can't remember the details.

Well, regardless, if I have future ambitions to corner the internet market on sarcastic Asianism I'm sure I could get JMill to issue some sort of menacing message to this girl; in the meantime, I'll just let those vengeful thoughts of her's ruminate on some other scheme.

-Via various Emails, Google Reader shares, referrals from friends: I openly (and proudly) acknowledge my complete lack of firsthand experience when it comes to the Twilight movies and books (I'm afraid, like George Costanza, that THERE IS NOT ENOUGH VOLTAGE IN THIS WORLD TO ELECTROSHOCK ME BACK INTO COHERENCE [3:30-mark] were I to view/read any portion of them). And while many fans would equate my criticisms as ignorance, I have numerous credible and intelligent sources telling me that they're no good.

Here are some of the parodies I have viewed over the last few weeks:

-A hilarious rejected screenplay from Eric Snider.

-A "How it Should Have Ended":




-An SNL Parody:



-A 1-minute recap of the movie, showing nothing happens, plot-wise:



I actually think this is the ideal way to view a movie you know you will dislike: Watch and read all the related parodies you can find, THEN watch the actual movie. The movie will instantly become a comedy, and EVERYTHING WILL BE FUNNY (this will also make you insufferably annoying if viewing the movie with actual fans).

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Weekly Selects #13

Digital correspondence for the past week. Apologies, most of the selections involve my upcoming marathon in Sacramento. I hope this doesn't provide TOO much insight into my life/relationships. Let's do this:

-Via Gchat with Casey, from last Friday, regarding my trip to Sac-town:

just think, this time next week, you'll be waking up next to me

The plan for my trip was to spend Thursday night at Casey's. Operative word: WAS.

-Via Email from Gnomie, who is well-acquainted with my undying affinity for bacon (the article):

not only have you probably already seen this, but you probably have already incorporated it into your robust daily diet of bacon product:

Squeez Bacon! Finally, something the Swedes have seen fit to bestow on the world besides Stockholm Syndrome and the inability to take sides in a major world conflict! From the article: "By precooking it and blending it in a special way, he [the inventor] was able to make a fully cooked 100% bacon paste that could be squeezed from a tube."

To take something as beautiful as bacon and twist it like this is wrong. Like...like... oh hell, let's unleash the inner nerd: It's like in Lord of the Rings where the Elves get disfigured and mutilated and the end-product is the Orcs. There, I said it.

-Via Gchat with Butz, while we were discussing my upcoming marathon and how I was planning on mitigating the chafing of sensitive areas in my chest region. I explained that I had bought a deodorant-like stick to prevent chafing, and told him this:

...so I will be coating my nipples in that

I know some of the readership is not comfortable with the terminology, and I pray I will never be typing that sentence ever again in my life, but I'll do whatever I have to avoid this poor sap's fate:

(I realize by quoting myself on my own blog, my egotism has reached Kanye Westian heights, but fear not: I will be interrupting Taylor Swift acceptance speeches before you know it.)


-Via Gchat with Nartker, who told me that the forecasted temperature for the start of the marathon has continued dropping as we get closer. I think right now we're looking at 38 degrees. His commentary:

I think my junk just shrunk just thinking about it...sorry for the tmi

Anatomical references are in abundance this posting. Again, my apologies.

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Weekly Selects #11

Back in the saddle with some D.C. from the past week or so:


-Via Facebook from Jenny P and Nartker, respectively, regarding the growth that is my hair:

I'm more concerned that your hair is going to make your marathon time 5 minutes slower at least...


That is some serious salad Josh. . . I'll be able to draft behind that thing during the marathon. . . I like it.

As mentioned before, I am of the firm belief that my hair is sentient, so I think it's just glad that it's still a topic of conversation. Large hair has needs, too, ya know.

-Via Email from AG, a rather hilarious article titled the "Brocyclopedia" defining the term "bro." An excerpt:

Brosephs are best known for taking bro-like behavior to its extremes. For example, while the wearing of a backward visor is a strong indication of a bro, a broseph may be identified by wearing a visor backwards and upside down.

-Via Email from Saree, which I found to be related to Jay's nascent crusade against my people:

 Honestly, I can't argue with that. Now hanging in my cubicle at work.

-Via Gchat from Banker, a proud Philly native and staunch Phillies fan, who just sent me the URL to this article. The gist: A Philly woman offering sex for World Series tickets.

Now, Banker never actually expressed pride or disgust at his fellow Philadelphian, so the jury is still out on how he feels about it.

-Via Email from cousin Mei Mei, who is hosting a Mac & Cheese contest this coming Sunday, where we will all make and bring our own homemade dishes to enter into competition. She was throwing out suggestions on a prize for the winner:

we could smear all the mac and cheese down a slip and slide, winner gets first slide.

Disgusting, yes, but you know you'd watch a YouTube video of it. It is likely that the real disgusting thing will be whatever I concoct for said contest, considering I have no competency in the mac&cheese department, and will likely conjure up some blob-mass that will be indistinguishable from The Swamp Thing, hardened caulking, or some sordid combination of both.

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Chameleon in the Fridge

Just moved to a new place. My new fridge has a water-filter pitcher, just like my old place. Purified water is a good thing.

One thing I've noticed about this particular pitcher, however, is that the water inside of it acquires the flavor of whatever else happens to be in the refrigerator with it (usually the strongest-flavored item). It's uncanny. The pitcher is like a Flavor Chameleon.

So far I have downed large, almost-refreshing glasses of cold Kimchee-water and Ham-water. Neither are what I would call pleasant. Not sure what the solution is, but I'm hard-pressed to think of too many flavors of water that I would be okay with.

I can tell you varieties I will not be okay with, just off the top of my head: Mayonnaise-water, Hummus-water, and Garlic-water. Even as a Bacon Purist, and an advocate of a Bacon Perfume, I would probably veto Bacon-water. (As a man who has eaten cornbread-batter-fried bacon, and who ate a bacon chocolate cupcake last week, I can't believe I just rejected the idea of bacon-flavored anything, but it's the truth.)

Sometimes you just want to keep things nice and simple.

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Stand By Your Principles...Right?

Alright, people. I'm here to test your resolve.

I received a fairly universal response from readers regarding companies and their advertising: If they have crappy commercials, you should -- on principle -- ban their products. And the ban should be lifelong. No questions asked. Basically like when the UN slaps sanctions on North Korea for breaking international norms and doing some saber-rattling, only you guys would actually, you know, follow-through on your threats. Principled stands. Commendable.

You may or may not know that last year, the US Beef people hired Matthew Mcconaughey -- of perpetual shirtlessness and unbearable chick-flick fame -- to be their radio spokesperson. What you might not have known is that the ads are indescribably horrible. Check them out (The ads themselves are the only the audio -- others compiled the videos):

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

Matthew McConaughey - Creepy Beef Spokesman - watch more funny videos

So, what say ye, meat-lovers? How principled are you? Are you going to give up beef, go vegetarian, and join up with PETA because these ads are so bad? I know I don't need to remind you that Mr. Mcconaughey did talk about taking your appetite on a romantic getaway and laying "side-by-side under sirloin skies." Ah, brings back fond memories of pillow-talk with my appetite.

Awaiting your responses.

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On the Brain

So my managers at work thought that something I had volunteered for (been coerced/guilted into) was amazing (it wasn't) and had a huge impact (it didn't), so for my hard work (I slacked off) they gave me a kingly gift certificate to Chipotle. And, apparently, my hyper-contrarian and underachieving inner monologue has decided to manifest itself in a blog post today in parenthetical form (you'd better believe it, jacka**).

At any rate. The other morning I was in a meeting with two others, discussing contracts and workflow processes and talking about the "rubber hitting the road" and the undesirable nature of "reinventing the wheel" and all that annoying corporate-speak. I don't know. Honestly, I was paying attention to what was going on, but I was also starving. So, I did what all wise people do when they're hungry: I thought about food. And how much I wanted it. And how I was going to break in my Chipotle gift certificate as soon as this meeting was over.

At that moment a question was directed at me. My response?

"Chipotl--"

It wasn't a Turrets-like outburst, but I think if I didn't catch myself at that moment, the rest of the hunger-induced spew out of my mouth would have been: "Burrito, black beans, barbacoa, corn salsa, sour cream, guac, extra cheese!" (All of you just walked down that Chipotle assembly line with me just then...I know you did)

Well, I caught myself, and managed to salvage a level of coherence in my answer. Dodged the bullet.

I'm guessing the other two just attributed my initial gibberish to my English-is-not-my-first-language appearance. It's cool.

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A Crumbling Empire

Last year, I witnessed firsthand the unrestrained gluttony that is the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Competition; my boy Kobayashi lost in a five hot dog eat-off to American Joey Chestnut.

This year, I wasn't in NYC, nor was I close to a TV, so White Josh and the Frizzle fed me text updates. Kobayashi lost. Again.

The Frizzle observed that WW2 history seems to be repeating itself. Indeed, it appears the rising power that was Japanese competitive eating between the years of 2001-2006 is in decline. In retrospect, Kobayashi's initial loss in 2007 is going to serve as the Battle of Midway for another crumbling Empire. Too bad.

Celebrate your 4th well, everyone. It's a beautiful day.

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