The Watered-Down Approach: Making Less More

I would hope that out of all the places that I would tune down my willingness to observe, it would be a public men's restroom. However, today I was at the sink and tapped the soap dispenser, and instead of the thick, soap-like goo that usually comes out, out came some half-soap, half-water diluted solution. I thought to myself: Those cheapos. Now they're watering down the soap.

Then I realized that we all do this. You know what I'm talking about. You get in the shower and realize that you're getting low on shower gel or shampoo. What do you do? Screw off the top and put some water in there. You've just transformed your two-day's worth of remaining shower gel into at least ten-day's worth. The same goes for dish soap -- in college I witnessed a bottle of Dawn last for at least a year -- and any number of other liquids. Efficiency? Laziness? Good hygiene exchanged for frugality? Tomato, Tomahto.

Chris Rock pointed out that his parents did it: When I was a kid, we didn't have no insurance. All we had was Robitussin. My parents thought " 'tussin" could fix anything. "Daddy, I got a cold" "Drink some 'tussin, boy" "Daddy, I broke my leg" "Pour some 'tussin on that bone, boy...let it work its way down to the bone, it'll set it straight...What? We're almost out of 'tussin?? Pour some water in the bottle, shake it up! Mo' 'tussin! Mo' 'tussin!" (the italics used to indicate Chris' monologue were not used because he was yelling, but to more clearly illustrate his shrill, high-pitched voice ringing in your ears.)

I suppose the only time I'll really feel this approach is worth it is when I can work a watered-down gasoline situation; you know, 50% water (free), 50% gasoline ($3+/gallon)...you know, without the whole ruin your engine part of it. Then we'd be sticking it to OPEC.

Read more...

Bored at Work?

I don't know about you, but I have way too many meetings at work. Or maybe there are the right amount of meetings, but they are too long. I don't know.

Anyway, don't get me wrong, I understand the need to refocus, to reiterate office goals, to announce important events, to reorganize. All of these are essential for a smooth-running operation. I get it.

But sometimes you get talkers in these meetings. People who need elaboration on every minute detail that doesn't concern anyone but themselves; elaboration that could easily take place after the meeting, one-on-one with the boss, and not at the expense of everyone else's work time. I found this unfortunate fact out about 3 weeks into working a real job.

Initially, I tried to pass this wasted time by doodling on my notepad. This was a failure because I found out that I have no talent when it comes to drawing, and all that resulted were countless 3-D cubes, because...well, that's all I remembered/could do from my 5th grade art class.

I decided to get pro-active about things. I began paying attention to the way people talked and noticed that certain phrases presented themselves more frequently than others. I talked with some of my colleagues and decided that to keep things interesting, we should play "Corporate Idiom Bingo" during these at-times excruciating meetings. The rules are simple. Fill out a 4x4 card with any phrases you feel will be used during the meeting. Get a row, diagonal, or column: BINGO. Blackouts are also possible, though I would say improbable. Here are some classic corporate phrases I've found:

"...but you see, where the rubber hits the road is when..."
"We're putting the cart before the horse here..."
"The last thing we want to do is reinvent the wheel..."

I'd be interested in hearing what other people hear in their meetings. Just don't get caught taking down phrases by your supervisor.

Oh yeah, so when I said 'I decided to get pro-active' I bet you were thinking I reshaped the way we did meetings in such a way that my office's efficiency increased threefold or something. I'm flattered, but you give me way too much credit.

Read more...

My Thanks

Through a recent effort to inform myself about the world and its history, I've unfortunately found that in our world, war is not always avoidable.

In fact, it seems that wars are not just unavoidable on occasion -- they are inevitable. Conflict appears to engulf all global issues, and it is usually the result of indiscriminate hatred or some moron who feels they are entitled to more at the expense of the freedom of others... or some twisted combination of both. It is an unyielding disease of take, take, take, and it is more than a little depressing to read about day in and day out.

Lately, however, what has struck me more poignantly is that there is a flip-side to that coin: Giving, e.g. those who serve or have served in our Armed Forces. Their motivations for enlisting may differ slightly -- some fight to protect the freedoms of loved ones at home. Some, for the freedom of people in other countries. Others, to try and improve the world around them. I can't speak for each individual. When it comes down to it, the universal and unifying aspects to it all is their willingness to serve and sense of duty.

My heartfelt gratitude goes out to those men and women who, without hesitation, willingly go to distant and foreign lands to fight because they love their country and their fellow man.

I don't know why, but recently, every time I hear the National Anthem at a sporting event, or see uniformed servicemen walking through the airport, my eyes well up. It makes me grateful for what has been given by them and their predecessors, and makes me think about what I should be willing to give; not just to ensure the future freedoms of our country and the world, but also as a token of my gratitude for all of those unknowns that willingly served their country.

Happy Veterans' Day, everyone. Whether you agree with America's involvement in current conflicts or not, remember why we have it.

Read more...