Futile Attempts at Conservation -- Photo of the Week - 4 Aug 2008

Location: Northern Virginia
Year: 2008

Short story from work.

So we got new napkin dispensers at our work cafeteria, like the one pictured above. Standing ones. Fancy, right? The first day they were there, I noticed they had signs on them that read: "These will help save 25-40% on waste." Seemed like an arbirtary and unmeasurable number to me, but they are keeping the tree-huggers happy. I'm okay with that. (So long as they reciprocate with a similar gesture. Like showering and other basic hygiene -- honestly, you can even use the expensive, non-animal tested shampoo!)

As I'm reading the sign, a lumbering, middle-aged man in front of me proceeds to take no less than 10 napkins out of the dispenser, one after another, after another...after another.

What could he possibly have been eating that day that required a quantity of napkins with the total square footage of a large beach towel? Or did he just say to himself, "No one tells me when to / when not to conserve on waste. Conservation my a**!" and make his point by taking more than he normally would have? It seemed almost Johnny Vranes-esque¹ to me.

So much for conserving on waste.


1 - Johnny was an old roommate from college who had an inexplicable and innate drive to do the opposite of what you said he could or could not do. Just seemingly out of spite. It was uncanny. On more than one occasion, I weighed the consequences of saying to him: "I bet you couldn't streak across I-15 naked at nighttime," but my conscience always got to me. I think the only reason he hasn't been mentioned in previous posts is because I was afraid of offending him if he reads the blog. Don't ask me why I decided to start now.²
2 - Apologies, Johnny. You know I love you.