Bite me, Beckham

If I have to hear one more attempt by the media to make a clever play on words using "Bend it Like Beckham" to allude to the arrival of David Beckham and his wife to America, I may have to do myself a favor and commit seppuku (click here for an opportunity to learn about another culture). Anybody who would like me to act as their second, just let me know.

My title may not embody American hospitality, so I apologize; I have nothing personal against Beckham. In fact, I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's a nice person.

My beef here is two-fold. I take issue with the media latching onto anything so that they can get more readers / viewers (no, I'm not an idiot and realize that this is what the media does to stay in business...), and I take issue with overrated athletes. Beckham is one of these. He's just a washed-up pretty boy that has a limited set of soccer skills.

I grew up playing soccer and it is still one of my favorite sports, and in a way I think it's good that a well known name is coming here to raise US appreciation and understanding of the game. Beckham will probably open some doors and draw some bigger crowds. Don't fool yourself, though. His alleged desire to spread "love of the game" may or may not be linked to the exorbitant amount of money he will earn (possibly $50mill/year).

But I'm guessing the novelty will wear off soon. The ultimate irony to me is that as people come to understand soccer better, as Beckham hopes, they will realize that he's just not that good.

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PETA: There's More Than One Way to Skin a Cat...But...

PETA is an acronym for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Translation: Crazy Animals’ Rights Advocates

I realize this may be a sensitive topic with some, considering that most people find animals endearing in some way. I remember crying when my goldfish died and we had to flush it down the toilet.

I’m not writing this to debate Animal Rights. I think animals are great, pets are great to have*…so while it may not be on my “Top 10 List of Reasons Why the World is Going to Hell in a Handbasket,” protesting the cruelty of animals--part of what PETA does--is reasonable enough to me.

I do believe, however, that PETA is undermining itself with its own idiotic and absurd tactics. So much so, that a former PETA employee declared that: “Many of us [activists] believe that the further we distance ourselves from PETA, the better off the animal rights movement will be” (see quote). I’ve read reports of them financing criminal activists and supporting violence against various animal labs, research facilities, and things of the sort.

Honestly, I can’t speak to any of those because I didn’t do enough research. Anybody sitting at a desk with time on their hands who wants to hash it out for me is more than welcome. I say that PETA has committed some serious blunders which have, in my opinion, done more damage to their cause than help. They prevent me from taking them seriously; in other words, they've shot their own horse out from under themselves, clipped their own wings before they were able to take flight, ________ (for added irony and humor, feel free to insert any cliched phrase for self-sabotage involving an animal). I guess what I’m trying to say is is that PETA as an organization appears to currently be run on the raging hormones and teenage angst of a 15-year old boy, as evidenced by their ad campaigns and letters.

Regarding campaigns, there have been extensive ads that employ Pamela Anderson as a spokesperson, not to mention other vulgar tactics that basically, without going into details, objectify women. I’m sure Pamela Anderson believes in the cause, and she certainly draws attention to the cause with her public support. But let’s be honest: Does the demographic that she appeals to seem likely to turn that attention into support for the cause? Here’s where I believe those raging hormones are blocking rationality.

Now for the letters and other public statements. I saw one read on CNN the other day that I wish I could recall, but the best I could find was a recent letter to Michael Moore (click here to read), in which PETA told him: “there’s an elephant in the room, and it is you. With all due respect, no one can help but notice that a weighty health issue is affecting you personally.” Now, I am no fan of Michael Moore, nor am I denying that he is overweight. But is this a way to garner support? Other letters and public statements are no better; they just end up making PETA come across as an immature, mentally-stunted 15-year old buffoon (wait...would PETA take that as an insult or as a compliment? That’s probably debatable) that resorts to petty insults and language to convey their point.

Someone may argue that my blog reads like I’m the immature, sarcastic jerk. I won’t deny that. The difference between me and PETA (oh man…there had better be more than one), however, is that while I write for fun and hopefully to get a laugh out of some friends, they want to be taken seriously by an international community. But I guess I’m beating a dead hors--wait, I guess I shouldn’t use that expression, either…

*NOTE: I do realize that animal rights’ entails that they shouldn’t even be held as pets, but…

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How I love our PC-Society

At the risk of people telling me to change my blog name to "Deranged Ramblings of a Hypersensitive-to-Racial-Stereotyping Asian," I make this new entry...I am going to joke around a bit, but hopefully there is a point to be made. The catalyst that got me thinking about this was, once again, a question from a friend (I believe it was Jay): "Have you ever experienced racism before?"

Not that any of you need background, but I’m half-Japanese…and, despite occasional instances of embarassment on behalf of those I lovingly refer to as “my people” (to illustrate my point: Instance of Embarassment #1), I am proud of my heritage. As a kid, I stood out a little growing up, but I had friends whom I like to think came over for reasons other than thinking that I had a Nintendo at my house, because, much to my chagrin, I did not. I’ve never had a racial slur thrown at me, nor have I ever really felt discriminated against. So to Jay’s question I would answer “no” but tag a “…I have felt, every once in a while, stereotypes of Asian-Americans being projected onto me.” Let me explain, because I believe there is a distinction between stereotyping and racism…and I’ll try to do so by using two anecdotes. I’m afraid a lot of you have heard these stories before, so my apologies in advance if you have.

*****

When I was working at BYU Independent Study (IS) one Friday afternoon last year, I was in charge of our in-house testing center, where IS proctors exams for its correspondence students. A middle-aged woman came out after finishing a math exam and handed me her scantron sheet:

“Can I get my grade back right away? I think I did awful,” she asked.
“Normally you could ma’am, but I’m afraid our scantron machine is broken. We will run the test through as soon as it is fixed, but your score probably won’t be posted online until Monday. I am sorry for the inconvenience,” I said.
“Really? I was really wanting to know my score.”
“Yes, I’m sorry again, ma’am.”
There was a pause.
“…Well, could you grade it by hand for me? You look like you’re good at math…” she said.

*****

It was honestly one of the few times in my life that I was completely speechless. I didn’t so much view what she said as racist, really, nor was I offended--I suppose if you want to view me changing all of her answers after she left as "being offended", then that's your prerogative*-- I guess it just took me by surprise that she said it in complete seriousness to a person she didn’t know.

But let’s be honest. We all carry certain biases and prejudices; whether we admit it or not so that we can face them is a completely different story. I was in a Harassment Prevention meeting for work a few months back and the person presenting said something along the lines of “Let’s face it. We all have, through experiences and our environment, some preconceived notions or ideas about groups of people, whether it’s race, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or whatever.” One girl in the class, knowing the PC-world that we live in and interpreting his words to be something along the lines of “You’re all bigoted racists”, piped up: “No, no. We are past those days. Not everyone thinks that way.” The instructor replied: “Yes, we do, whether we like it or not. The important thing is to be cognizant of it so we can identify when it is unfair or unwarranted and has the potential to be a problem.” Well said. It is the sheer blindness of racism and that hate behind it that is so offensive to us.

So I guess there’s a fine distinction between the two. Admittedly, I joke with friends about my supposed proficiency at math thanks to being Japanese or other such things, but we do it in jest because I think we recognize the ridiculousness of people who actually propagate and act on such beliefs.

Therefore I have, in light of some misconceptions, taken it upon myself to speak for the entire Asian population and make you aware of some stereotypes about us that may need some clarification. Feel free to print this off--stick it in your wallet, or on a lanyard--for quick reference in case you run into an Asian-situation that you don’t know how to deal with:

1. Unfortunately, I do not tote an abacus (pl. abaci, I believe) around with me all of the time. They aren’t incredibly portable and they don’t have a memory function. It can be very frustrating.

2. No, my mom doesn’t know karate or kung-fu, although 2^nd grade mentality leads me to reason that, despite her lack of formal training, Shigeko could still beat up your mom.

3. Contrary to popular belief, checking that “Asian-American” box did not get me an extra 250 points on the SAT.

4. Although I do own a Honda Civic, it is not lowered, has no exhaust / intake, and it has shotty rims. I still occasionally refer to it as my "rice rocket" every once in a while.

5. This may be a shocker for a lot of people: There is no universal, Pan-Asian language (I checked Wikipedia), although I will raise it at the next big meeting as a talking point. I am open to suggestions on what to name the new conglomerate language.

6. We are not all the same.

7. No, I don’t have a repository of Confucius sayings for all situations at my immediate disposal. The only one I’ve actually heard is, and my apologies for the visual: “Confucius say: ‘Never play leapfrog with unicorn.’ ” (I honestly have doubts about this one’s authenticity, however. I mean, it’s ridiculous to say that leapfrog even existed back in the 5^th and 6^th centuries BC)

8. Not all Asians are bad drivers. (I originally had this because I thought it was a sweeping generalization that was incorrect, but after further thought I am going to rescind that and say that all Asians, every single one of them, is a horrible driver)

9. Don't feel the need to hook me up with every Asian girl that you know. I had a girl I home taught who thought this was a good reason to hook me up with her friend.

Hope this was interesting and not confusing.

*NOTE: I didn't actually

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Neverending Logical Strings: "If this....then...AND then...therefore"

"PAPER or PLASTIC?"


It seems like an ordinary, everyday question, but the implications—politically, environmentally, ecumenically—may run deeper than you think when you tell that underpaid (and unlikely to understand any English besides "paper" or "plastic") grocery-bagger of your choice of bag.


Well, besides personal preference for how you carry your grocery bags, or the utility of the bags after they've served their initial purpose, I don't see how you could be a strong advocate for one or the other. The interesting thing that got me thinking about this, however, is the logic used by those who DO hold strong opinions regarding one or the other.


Some environmentalists will say "paper" because it is recyclable, and, at the very least, biodegradable. It does, however, kill trees. Lots of them. And to serve what purpose? To be used once, maybe twice, then thrown away. So plastic must be the way to go, right? True, it saves the trees from being cut down, but it is 100% non-biodegradable, and quite possibly contributes to the killing of animals that Green Peace or PETA or someone is trying to save (didn't Russell Crowe asphyxiate that tiger in the Colosseum-scene in "Gladiator" with a plastic grocery sack? I can't remember).


I suppose you could take the saving the trees argument far enough down the logical line to say: "Well, if you're saving trees, then there are more trees to convert carbon dioxide to oxygen…and THEN you're indirectly fighting global warming," or something...but then, you're still stuck with the rising landfills and dying cuddly animals problem, which, last time I checked, aren't incredibly environmentally- or ecosystem- friendly.

Which brings me to another point. If you have the option in a public restroom of using paper towels or the hand dryer, which do you use? Paper towels are faster and you don't have to sit around, but supposedly the hand dryers were instated to be more environmentally friendly and save some trees and avoid waste buildup. (Not to mention that getting rid of paper towels eliminates the possible-embarassing-items-that-you-could-walk-out-with-stuck- to-the-bottom-of-your-shoe-dilemma back down to toilet paper only). Not a bad argument. But when you press that button on the hand-dryer, aren't you using electricity? This may be a stretch because the amount of electricity that you use is negligible, but that electricity is most likely coming from one of many coal-burning plants, which are major sources of greenhouse gases that are allegedly the cause of global warming in the first place.

Quite the conundrum.

I don't write this to further paralyze people from making decisions, so that when they're in the supermarket and are innocently asked "paper or plastic" they freeze like a deer in the headlights because images of dying seagulls flash through their minds; nor when they are done taking care of business in the bathroom to make them stare aimlessly at the paper towel dispenser and/or the hand dryer thingy.

Nor am I advocating that we continue to be consumers who refuse to consider the consequences of excessive consumption. We are stewards here and have the responsibility to do what we can to take care of the planet.

I'm just saying that you can only use the running-train of logic that a lot of people with special interests (in this particular blog entry, environmentalists or animal rights' activists...which, by the way, I am not picking on, this just happened to be the first subject I thought of) can take us down: "If this is the case...then this...AND then this...etc", but end up coming full circle or contradicting themselves. There are a lot of flip sides to a lot of coins.

So I guess I should add "…but probably not" to the very end of my opening paragraph.

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Blog Rebirth

"Josh, you are an Asian-American in a predominately white church who enjoys black culture. I don't think you'll have a problem with being unique."

I had a friend from high school tell me this a few years back when I was looking for advice on applying to law school (that's been postponed a few years....just FYI). I just recalled that quote recently and decided that I needed an outlet for my take on things, because as an introvert who is inclined towards observation first and expression second, sometimes I see things that annoy me, pique my interest, or I just have thoughts pop into my head during the commute to work that I think would be fun to share with family and friends, but end up forgetting to write them down for later.

Anyhow, I have decided to start tabula rasa (word of the day for all you zero-interest-in-philosophy-types) with my blog, try to maintain my writing skills, and hopefully provide some entertainment to anyone who reads this.

I make no claims to this blog being authoritative in any way. You'll notice lots of "...or something" 's and words leaning towards ambiguity. This is done purposefully, because (1) anyone who knows me knows I am virtually opinionless, (2) I was probably too lazy to do the research to verify facts...(that's why most research, when I do get off my tail and do it, will likely be Wikipedia-based).

Anyhow, enjoy reading and hopefully you aren't bored out of your mind. Pass along comments and suggestions or your own thoughts. I love hearing them and getting feedback.

Best,
JD

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