Ignorance is Bliss

I learned the painful lesson of this blog title two weekends ago while on vacation in California, where in the matter of a few days I went from ecstatic to homeless-orangutan-level-depressed.

Before leaving for Sac-town, my boys told me that they had Tivo'ed all episodes of a new MTV show called "Bully Beatdown." Based on title alone, it had to be good. Basically, the premise of the show is random people ask the show's host for help with the bullies in their lives. The host challenges the bully to fight a professional MMA fighter for the chance to win money. If the bully loses, the prize money goes to the bullied person. Not quite The Iliad or The Odyssey, but at least it would keep me entertained while I was sipping on some Henry's.

Imagine four friends sitting on a couch howling with laughter, clutching each other in pure joy as a guy -- one they have been manipulated into hating by MTV -- gets the ever-living crap kicked out of him. This was the start of a new chapter in my life.

I came back home from vacation -- and then, out of nowhere, my beautiful world was shattered. A friend (who shall remain nameless for his own protection) who is an MMA fan told me that the "bullies" for the show were actually stuntmen, and that "Bully Beatdown" was all staged.

It is impossible to pinpoint my emotions at the time my world collapsed around me, but, after some reflection, I will try to articulate the range of emotions I experienced, which unfolded in (approximately) the order below:

• Primal Rage (Think Wolverine in X2, right when he stabs that soldier in the chest in the kitchen, screaming at the top of his lungs, saliva flying everywhere)
  

• Confused Betrayal (Think William Wallace in Braveheart after he unmasks that knight, and it turns out to be Robert the Bruce. I mean, I put my trust in MTV and they do this to me? I feel like a teenager again.)
  

• Utter Inconsolability (Think Denzel Washington in Man on Fire before he meets Dakota Fanning: Haunted by past demons, numb to the point of being incapable of feeling comforted)
  

• Abject Self-pity (Think Nancy Kerrigan, immediately after knee-clubbing: "Whyyyyy? Whyyyyyyyyy?")
  

It has been an emotional rollercoaster. I hate rollercoasters.

I considered keeping the news to myself, and sheltering my friends by allowing them to live in their ignorant bliss; but everyone knows what misery loves, so I dragged them down with me. Selfish, perhaps, but I'm just the messenger. Here are testimonials from the friends whose lives have also been ruined thanks to "Bully Beatdown":

"I felt betrayed. I spent hours making lists of all the bullies I wanted Mayhem [the host] to beatdown for me, but it was all in vain, and now I will continue w/ out justice being served against my bullies." --CT

"I felt like I had fallen for a used car salesman's pitch when I could see for myself that the 'pristine' Mercedes he was selling me was in reality a 1985 Pontiac Fiero. . . and I still bought it." --JN

"It was like the time I found out that Nigerian wasn't going to send me a bunch of money and I gave him my banking info for nothing." --JT

So I guess I should change this blog title to: "Ignorance CAN be bliss."