BR Redux

We return to one of my favorite topics, and one of your most hated.

Some recent developments in my abominable world of Butt Rock (BR):

**A lot of work places have "Hawaiian t-shirt Fridays" and "casual Fridays." Both are lame and boring -- not to mention overdone. So I instituted Butt Rock Fridays. Fundamentally, this consists of me listening to some BR on my iPod during the morning hours at work and then wearing a BR t-shirt with my jeans.

As a testament to my lack of courage, however, the latter has yet to happen, due to the fear that I would get called into some ad hoc meeting and have to give a presentation to some higher-ups while sporting a t-shirt that has "JUDAS PRIEST" or "SCORPIONS" plastered all over the front -- all because I felt like celebrating "Butt Rock Friday." (I imagine that this feared scenario would be like me competing on Iron Chef while wearing nothing but an apron. I'd be exposed. Vulnerable. All while trying to demonstrate knowledge in something that the spectators likely know more about than I do.)

**AM affectionately labeled me her "butt rock king," as she and MM were my road trip compatriots that partook in a powerhouse butt rock compilation CD I made. It was a 17-track assault on (and affront to) Mozart, Beethoven, and all things artistically beautiful; an auditory massacre. And yet it was somehow quite sing-alongable.

The CD did its job and kept me alert in the late hours of the night. I have found that it is difficult to fall asleep at the wheel of a car while you are continuously dry-heaving/mocking the stupidity of something. Or singing along.

**A few months ago, I penned an entry laying out the fundamentals of the BR genre, and concluded off-handedly that I should teach a Music History class on the topic.

Hadn't thought about it since then, as it was a joke.

Well, apparently the nether regions of my brain thought it was an idea worth exploring, and did so for four months whilst I remained unaware. My sub-conscious presented its work to me in a ridiculously vivid dream in which I was the professor of a Butt Rock History course, the first of such classes at any major university. In the dream I was preparing a powerpoint presentation for my first day of class. I was quite frazzled; literally stressing about the order of my slides and how I should present the material in a cohesive way to the auditorium of 300-400 students.

Yes. I am out of my mind. But if you haven't deduced that by now, perception may not be your thing.

My one regret from the dream is that I didn't catch a glimpse of the demographic of my students. Would have been absolutely priceless.

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"I'm a Moron" Series - Part 3: Food Injury

Can't believe it's been a year+ since I last wrote about having an "I'm a moron" moment. I assure you, it is not from lack of idiocy on my part. Far from it.

Anyway. To the present.

You know those thin metal lids they have on Yoplait yogurt containers? I think I just cut my tongue on the torn, jagged edge of one -- just because I was trying to get the extra 0.034 oz. of yogurt on the inside of the lid.

Are these things FDA-approved? Or have they managed to somehow fly under the radar? Yoplait's brazen disregard for public safety is appalling. They should just start putting syringes in their yogurt and call it good. Or flip us the middle finger in their commercials. The gesture of either of those is about the same as these lids, in my opinion.

Man. It's like a papercut. Only infinitely more humiliating.

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Deadliest Warriors -- Photo of the Week 25 May 2009

Late posting. Was on some vacation.

Taken from the blog at foreignpolicy.com, with a caption that reads:

"Belarussian special forces soldiers use a sledgehammer to break flaming bricks on their backs in Minsk" (emphasis added)

I don't claim to know what is going on in the former Soviet republics, but man.

Anybody seen this show called Deadliest Warrior? Talk about a rallying point for all Renaissance Fair and Quill & The Sword types. This show spends an hour simulating ancient warriors (ie Spartan vs. Ninja, etc) fighting against each other, then has a real-life re-creation at the end. Geeks unite.

Anyway, I showed Josh M this photo and here was the ensuing IM conversation:

JoshM: dude, that belarussian guy needs to be on deadliest warrior
Me: dude is nuts
JoshM: this week they are doing the braveheart guy versus shaka zulu
Me: maybe they'll bring in mel gibson for the re-enactment
JoshM: and wesley snipes as shaka zulu
Me: wesley snipes could use the employment. i don't know if portraying mel gibson killing shaka zulu would do well for his already racist image
JoshM: good point
JoshM: he may have turned down the offer

Too bad.


You better have had a happy Monday, what with the day off and all. And taken a second to remember why we had the holiday.

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I See No Connection -- Photo of the Week 18 May 2009

Took this up in Kensington, MD.

Not quite sure where the tobacco fits in in this combination.

Something like unto Cal telling Ricky Bobby that they go together like "cocaine and waffles"? Maybe?





Man, I love Talladega... in all of its Shake'n Bake stupidity.

Happy Monday, everyone. Let's keep it real today.

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My Guilt-trip to You, the Reader

A lot of companies have a pledge to their customers that they will provide a quality product, or they will do their best to keep the customer happy, or some other nonsense. This is not one of those. This is to make you appreciate more of what I do for you day-in and day-out.

Dear RoSA Readers,

As I stood in line at Chipotle the other day, deciding on whether I wanted a Barbacoa or a Carnitas burrito, I glanced down at the Judas Priest concert t-shirt I was wearing and thought to myself: "What the hell was I thinking when I put this thing on before I went out into public?"

Tracing back my thought processes, I think I tried to justify the decision by saying that it was hot outside, and that the butt rock t-shirt was so tissue paper-thin it was like I wasn't even putting another layer of clothing on. It would keep me cool.

The more I thought about how stupid that reason was, I realized the real reason I had done it: I had no blog-worthy material that week, and was sub-consciously hoping that wearing Judas Priest in a public place would serve as a catalyst for something interesting.

(Yes. You're reading that correctly)

As it turned out, nothing happened. I've never been so disappointed with the expectations of an idea that has such great potential, but that ultimately ends up being a colossal letdown (perhaps with the exception of the Wolverine movie). I was hoping for something from my fellow Chipotle'ers: Suspicious glares; a hurled insult; extra meat in my burrito because the employees think I'm homeless based on appearance. The best would have been jaws dropped aghast in shock -- a la Arnold walking into the bar butt naked in Terminator 2 (see below). But really, I would have taken anything.





Shoot, even a brawl with some angry bikers who didn't like Judas Priest when they were growing up would have made a great story...you know, after I got out of the hospital.

Nothing.

Like I said. You'd better appreciate what I do for you, readers.

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Wedding Joy -- Photo of the Week 11 May 2009

My good friends, JN and MN, got married about five years ago. They were part of one of the funnier wedding experiences I've had.

JN was my roommate the semester before they got married, and MN was over at our place quite a bit. We enjoyed watching Tracy Morgan do his SNL sketch, "Brian Fellows' Safari Planet." We thought it was brilliant at the time (but now we know that Tracy Morgan is just straight-up crazy, and no actual acting went into this character), and often imitated Brian Fellows wagging his finger and saying "We'd better fix this in editing."

Anyway, JT was doing the wedding photos for them, and had told them he wanted JN to act like he was leaning in to kiss the bride, while she was wagging her finger at him, essentially denying him. Here's how the rest unfolded:



Classic.

Happy Monday to all... Wipe that sleep outta your eyes.

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Q.A.S.

My sister's friend, JG, passed this one on. Thanks for the submission.

At last, our voice -- albeit faintly -- is being heard.



We Asians suffer from a variety of other, lesser-known syndromes:

• Rice-Rocket Syndrome, or RRS -- the irresistable urge to take a (at best) mediocre car and spend thousands of dollars to modify it;
  
  
• Wish Yao Ming Would Give Me Some of His Height Syndrome, or WYMWGMSHHS -- the jealousy of NBA center Yao Ming and his freakish height, and the thought that, because of his communist roots, he should willingly give some of his height to shorter Asians as part of the community's "redistribution of height" efforts. We're not asking for much here; like half an inch or something;
  
  
• Anime Fixation Syndrome, or AFS -- Don't get me started, or expletives are going to start flowing from my mouth like Niagara;
  
  
• Over-Documentation Syndrome, or ODS -- The prevalence and sheep-like herding of Asian tour groups is well known, but their need to snap a picture of every single thing they see -- I saw a lady take a picture of a guard rail once...a guard rail! -- is not well understood.

And many, many more.

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Swine Flu Origins -- Photo of the Week 4 May 2009

JN sent this one via email -- claiming the source of the swine flu is this kid:

(Don't worry JN, I'm working on your other request)


Happy Monday, and happy May, to all.

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One Thought on Twitter

I think it's stupid.

My sister said it best when she said that Twitter shows how "attention deficit we are." My goodness, people, I don't need to know that you just landed at the airport in Denver, or that you're brushing your teeth at this very moment; I don't care that you're currently staring blankly at the wall, trying to think of your next 140-character "Tweet." I don't even care what Charlie Villanueva's thoughts are during halftime of his NBA game -- unless, of course, Charlie announces that he is either 1) planning to beat a heckling fan; 2) playing the second half pantsless; or 3) getting eyebrow implants.

And if Bill Simmons is anti-Twitt, and my boys at PTI mock their own Twitter feed (because they've been forced to do one by the show), then I'm in pretty good company.

(Of course, with my long-professed and staunch opposition, then subsequent caving-in to such things as the Harry Potter books, distance running, and trips to Duck Beach over Memorial Day weekend, I anticipate my integrity-less self will be "Tweeting" within a few weeks. Man, I'm pathetic)

P.S. -- Here's an interesting example of how short updates with zero context (Twitter) can contribute to mass panic on something like the swine flu.

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