Weekly Selects #19

It is an Asian-oriented (I'm HILARIOUS) week of digital correspondence. Let's get to it:


-Via Facebook from Chunk:

Thought you might appreciate this. Gets worth watching at about 3 min in.

And appreciate it I did. Like with bacon, I never tire of Engrish -- but toss in some extra ingredients like an attractive girl and a dude using memorized, elementary school-taught English phrases in an attempt to seduce said girl, and you've got yourself a tasty breakfast sandwich of hilarious futility.

-Via Email from White Josh:

funny Japanese stuff

20 bucks says that one of these competitors suffered a Greg Oden-like knee injury. Have you ever tried to kick something and then it wasn't there? Painful.

But in complete seriousness, leave it to the Japanese to revolutionize things. Mark my words: This invention will be the Gutenberg of fringe sports. Think about it. Insert your fringe sport of choice after Binocular. Binocular Roller Derby: Tattoed, aggressive women rolling along with wheels on their feet -- and no depth perception. Binocular Bobsled: Dudes crammed into an unprotected sled flying at hundreds of miles per hour. Oh, and they have binoculars strapped to their eyes. Binocular Monster Truck Rally: The ensuing mayhem would be a mess of beer cans and mullets, but I would watch -- and you know you would, too.

-Via TXT from 'Manders:

Today i walked through Wal-Mart with an arm load of granny panties...havent done that in a while.

I could be forthcoming by telling you that Amanda was doing something charitable for the needy during the Christmas season, but I'd rather let you and your imagination have a heyday trying to explain this completely OUT OF THE BLUE text. My initial thoughts were confused. Very confused. As in staring-blankly-at-my-phone-for-10-seconds-straight confused. But I hope someone who saw you snapped a photo, and you are now up on peopleofwalmart.com, Amanda.

-Via Email from the Frizzle:

My brother Bryan was opening his fortune cookie from the Chinese place in town...and it said: Digital circuits are made from analog parts.

Fortune cookies used to be basic, like "You will be rich," "You will find happiness," or "The drunk clown is coming for you when the clock strikes midnight." If I want the universe's ironies and paradoxes pointed out to me, I'm going to listen to Alanis Morissette watch Jon Stewart, son. China, just get back to the fundamentals of fortune cookie-ing.