Ham, Illegal Drugs, and Iraqi Diseases

You might be wondering what those three have in common, and I hope nobody was thinking "Christmas dinner with the family."

Yesterday was a strange day. Someone brought in a whole ham left over from a family dinner party and left it in the kitchenette next to my cubicle. My coworkers converged like vultures on a dead carcass (I suppose that technically, it was a carcass -- albeit a honey-baked one). Now, I would be a hypocrite to call it strange to capitalize on free food -- when people bring in jelly-filled donuts I'm the one at the front knocking old women out of the way. The strange thing was watching coworker after coworker leave the kitchenette with a handful of ham wrapped in a paper towel -- apparently there was a shortage of plates.

Next, there was the office-wide email with directions for the holiday gift exchange. It listed the prohibited items, two of which were "illegal drugs" and "knives (with blades exceeding 2 1/2 inches in length)." You know what this means, right? This means that SOMEONE HAS TRIED TO DO THIS BEFORE. "Man, Scott has been such a good mentor to me this past year. I'm thinking he would enjoy a fruit basket and some angel dust."

Finally, Ben called to inquire about my recent illness and the sequence of my symptoms. When did I have a sore throat? How long did that last? Did I have a fever at any point? It was like an episode of House, only Ben didn't insult me, and I didn't have a gruesome symptom like blood gushing out my eyes -- instead, he told me that he had been sick with similar symptoms, and then the surpriser: "[Based on the unique symptoms] I think we have an Iraqi bug of some sort." Ben's an MD, so I'm guessing I have been infected with some sort of Middle Eastern virus.

Wait -- what?