Ramblings of a Sarcastic Asian: senses

With the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, I hope all of you get to enjoy time with your families and continue those traditions that bring you together, create memories, etc.

Here's one tradition that should not go on: Jones Soda and their holiday vintage flavors: Cranberry Soda, Pumpkin Pie Soda, Wild Herb Stuffing Soda, Turkey & Gravy Soda...

And, most disgustingly, Brussel Sprouts Soda.

These pictures were taken the night before my friend Rye got married. We were bored, and I admittedly ended up trying some. I do not possess the command of the English language required to describe the flavor. The only comparable sensations I can think of come from two separate episodes of "Man vs. Wild" with Bear Grylls. Anybody see the episode where Bear is dehydrated, disembowels a camel, takes its dung, then squeezes and drinks the fluid?

Also, there is another episode where Bear finds a snake and eats it -- standard fare for the show. He then takes the empty skin of the snake, pees into it, ties up this tube of his own urine and slings it over his shoulder, thinking that he might "need it for later." Sure enough (go to the 4:05 mark or so):

On the "Disgusting Things Frat Boys Are Likely To Drink At Some Point" scale, I would place Brussel Sprouts Soda between "Drinking a wild animal's urine" and "Drinking your own urine" -- it's basically the same as the other two, but with carbonation!

Now if you'll excuse, I need to go have an experiential-recall-induced vomit.

Another confession.

Everyone has different smells that they enjoy. Most people like flowers or the ocean or new car or some other smell that is easily marketable in a Febreeze can.

For me, it boils down to sharpie markers and gasoline. Something about stepping out of the car at a gas station and having that smell hit my olfactories is -- how does that old cliche go? Like a warm blanket? That's not right, but I can't think of anything better.

Am I addicted? Well, you won't see me buying cases of extra-potent sharpies out of some guy's trunk in a 7-Eleven parking lot at 3AM. And you probably won't find me underneath an overpass huddled over a bucket of gasoline. Gas prices are so high now, drugs are probably cheaper anyway.

I'm not much for conspiracy theories, but this tendency to sniff markers after unscrewing the cap isn't my fault. This was ingrained in me since my preschool days and I am not accountable... I blame Sanford.

"Who?"

You know, the company that decided to produce those scented colored markers that you used for coloring stuff when you were little. They teach you to get strung out before you can string simple sentences together! This preempts marijuana as the "gateway drug" by YEARS.

I seem to remember reading in one of my psychology classes that the best way to learn about something is to engage as many of the senses as possible; not just the sight and sound that are usually accompanied with school, but, if possible, to engage smell, touch, and taste as well. I suppose that this was Sanford's guise for this product. But do I really need to be reminded of what black licorice smells like when I'm struggling to just color within the lines? Honestly.

And how the hell is turquoise a representative color for mango?? (I looked up their product listing)

So thanks, Sanford. I may have a solid idea for what cherry smells like, but now I'm trapped in a cage of your making.