Japan in the News

So The New York Times and The Washington Post have come out with some articles on Japan recently. Thought I'd share. The amusing one is the crow one-- the others...well, not so amusing, but interesting. They provide insight into a fascinating country that in so many ways is different from America. And while posting these articles may seem like I'm trying to cast Japan in a negative light, that definitely is not the case. I just see, especially in the last two articles, a country and people that I love deteriorating...

Japan Fights Crowds of Crows
A true clash of the civilizations. I wonder where PETA weighs in on this. Some of my personal favorite quotes from this article:

• "They [the crows] are trying to outfox us."
• “We are not sure sometimes who is smarter, us or the crows.”
• “In the old days, crows and humans could live together peacefully, but now the species are clashing. All we really want to do is go back to that golden age of co-existence.”
  

This Mob is Big in Japan
Unfortunately, organized crime is huge in Japan. The Japanese are so intent on maintaining a harmonious society that they tolerate it; they would rather have controlled crime at the hands of a few organized groups than a bunch of random crimes committed by a lot people. If I would have known how violent they truly were, I guess I wouldn't have been so mouthy as a 20-year old when I ran into the guys with tattoos and 9 1/2 fingers...

Suicides in Japan
I had a friend in Japan whose job with the railway company was to find and gather the remains of people who had thrown themselves in front of trains.

To be honest, I'm just posting these for my own reference later.

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Life Experiences to Music

I've been thinking about quitting my job and chasing my dreams; of going into the studio and pounding out that rap album that I've always had bouncin around in my head...

...trading my inheritance for a bowl of porridge? Not quite. But close.

But honestly, if anyone has listened to a rap album all the way through, characterizing it as 'formulaic' or 'unoriginal' is a Battlefield Earth understatement (with incredibly rare exception). What do rappers do on rap albums, you ask? Subject matter is usually confined to these or similar life experiences:

1. Drugs, combined with expensive alcohol and/or malt liquor;
   
2. The 'heat' [guns] they 'pack' [carry on their person];
3. Women and how easy it is to find them;
4. How many people from rival gangs they've shot/times they've been shot by rival gangs;
5. The cars they own;
6. Protecting turf;
7. Dislike for and willingness to stand up to cops;
   
8. Any combination of the above can make for a decent track
   

Simple, right? I mean, all I have to do is follow this equation, maybe chant my own name a few times, come up with a catch phrase or two, and I'm set for life. That's why I think I got this down pat.

Problem is, I think I lack the requisite life experiences to make a rap album.

I suppose the only thing I can do is take the most comparable life experiences that I have and throw them into the mix. Here are the closest personal parallels I could come up with for the above outline:

1. Besides an affinity for certain smells that may or may not cause a bit of a "high," the closest I'm going to get is a restrained like for Nyquil.
   
2. One time at the BB gun range at Cub Scout camp, I shot and destroyed the clothespin that was holding up my paper target -- three times! One of the counselors called me "dangerous" and "out of control."
3. At my first boy-girl birthday party in 1st grade, one of the girls spent the whole time chasing and trying to kiss me. She was too slow to catch yours truly.
   
4. Rye and I played paintball against some 10 year olds once. I think it's fair to say that we lit those punks up.
   
5. I drive a '97 Honda Civic. It has a CD player and two cupholders; no modifications.
6. When I get home from work and someone is parked in the spot closest to my door, I get semi-annoyed, but don't do anything about it.
   
7. I got my first traffic ticket the other day. I promptly did exactly what the officer told me to and threw in a lot of "Yes, sir" 's as a show of good faith.
   

Maybe I'll hold off on booking studio time and space.

For now.

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Not Even a Slap on the Wrist

Let's run through a theoretical scenario here. You are the chief of police in a mildly unstable government that has just undergone a coup d'etat and need to crack down on police corruption. What's your proposed solution? What kind of punishment do you instate to crack down on the cops?

My initial ideas were the classics: waterboarding (I didn't want to include the link, so you can look it up on your own if you want), the sharpened bamboo inserted underneath the fingernails (courtesy of Sayyid from 'LOST'), a pillory; for the under-14 crowd, you could even institute the notorious dunk tank from school-carnival days. Any combination of those would serve as a sufficient deterrent, in my opinion.

The Thai Police decided a few weeks back to go a different route. For policemen who violate rules, the punishment is the wearing of a pink "Hello Kitty" armband.

No, you are not illiterate, and yes, you read that correctly.

I make no claims to being an Organizational Behavior expert, but I'm guessing that this is not the best way to stop corrupt cops from running extortion scams, laundering money, and basically using their position to improve their standard of living. Anybody who feels differently, feel free to weigh in. (I realize I've neglected to mention that this is for first-time, minor offenses...but I'm operating off the principle of the idea here) In the words of Seinfeld with regards to the Winter Olympics' biathlon: "This makes about as much sense to me as swimming and, I don't know...strangling a guy."

However, on the off-chance that this does work, and to better position myself as a law enforcement consultant if other police agencies decide to adopt this humiliation-by-clothing/accessory idea, I brainstormed a few ideas:

*They could make German police wear this Tom Cruise t-shirt.

*For our Texas brethren down south, maybe make them wrap a large towel around themselves.

*After searching long and hard, I decided that there is nothing that you could dress a Japanese person up in that would humiliate them. Have you seen their game shows?

*But really, when it boils down to it, I think this would translate well into any language:I wasn't feeling all that creative today, so these are pretty lame. Feel free to make suggestions.

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