The smell of BBQ and the stench of alcohol in my apartment as I make beer brats.
Playing counselor as friends call me upset about what our teams are doing wrong, and reassuring them that, yes, they could coach football much better than any of those idiots.
Let's strike out item #3. I'm so ecstatic that I got confused.
Talking strategy and about all the subtleties of football that make it absolutely beautiful (see above picture)
Mocking the media for slobbering all over Tim Tebow as demigod, creator of the avian flu vaccine, broker of a peace deal in Kashmir, stopper of tectonic plate shifts to prevent all future earthquakes...ech. You get the idea.
Fostering my love for the NFL that began during the past year's playoffs.
What'cha got on your list of things to look forward to?
Happy Monday. If talk of football doesn't get you amped for the week, nothing will.
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After missing the Elton John Concert, my friends and I continued, albeit despondently, to "Bridge Day" in Fayetteville, WV. Bridge Day is the one day a year that base-jumping is legalized in West Virginia and 200,000 people of lesser courage (ie myself) watch others of greater courage (also read: "lesser sanity," "greater testicular fortitude," or "inferior common sense") throw themselves off of an 876 ft bridge and let gravity and a parachute take care of the rest.
These guys jumped for hours and we just watched. You would think the redundancy of watching people jump off the same bridge would get old after awhile. But it didn't. It's like watching "24": If you've seen one season of Jack Bauer escaping captivity, defying authority for the greater good, torturing some bad guys, getting angry and snarling/yelling out some intimidating lines, sabotaging his personal relationships because of his maladjustment to societal norms (see the afore-listed items for reasons why), etc, you feel like you've seen all of the seasons of "24" (because in essence, you HAVE). But you still keep watching -- despite the repetition and predictability.
The day was interspersed with me shooting the fall foliage (I still feel effeminate using that wording), and the abundance of material for people-watching. WV is an absolute GOLD-MINE for this, and my one regret (besides letting my friends purchase two sausage biscuits for $1.50 at a roadside cafe) is not doing an extensive photo essay on the people we saw. Think men with braided beards down to their stomachs; think men with short cut-off jean shorts sporting rainbow lanyards; think my name next to "Pulitzer." It would have been timeless.
Then again, I guess I shouldn't say too much about people-watching -- these three were my travel companions:
We got bored walking the trail from the river back to the bridge, so we had a leaf catching competition. It got intense. The slideshow below does a good job of capturing it.
But back to manly things. Base-jumping. It is steadily gaining popularity, but definitely outside of the mainstream sports we have in America. I think if the organizers created some traditions -- something that we love about our sports here -- base jumping would catch on a little faster. Here are some ideas I have:
(More) Drunk Fans: I don't think this one needs to be explained.
Ceremonial first "toss" from the mayor: Baseball has someone famous throw out the ceremonial first pitch to open games. Why don't they have the mayor of Fayetteville ceremoniously push the first base-jumper off of the platform, just to get things started? Or toss a base-jumper midget...? This one may need refinement.
Fantasy Leagues: No other phenomenon than Fantasy Leagues has so many people supporting teams and players they would otherwise have been indifferent to. Don't ask me how the scoring would work for a Base-Jumping Fantasy League. I'm just throwing out ideas here.
Streakers: The occasional streaker never hurt any spectator sport.
Overpriced Food: Overpaying for unhealthy food is an American sports tradition. The vendors at Bridge Day were selling unhealthy food, but it was way too reasonably priced. This needs to change.
Costumes: Uncle Sam (below) had it right. Patriotic, tacky.
Why did it take so long for the normally genius marketers at Nike to combine football, an amazing movie soundtrack ("Last of the Mohicans"), a freak-of-nature LB (Shawn Merriman), and one of the best, current RB's (Stephen Jackson) into a commercial?
I would have liked to see the casting calls for the extras... "Football commercial" OK, I can handle that; "must be willing to dress in uniform" Tights and pads, I can handle that; "must be willing to sign injury waiver" naturally; "must be willing to be hit and / or run over by professional football players over multiple takes" maybe I'll wait for something else to come along.
This gave me the chills. It's obviously football season, isn't it?
I love this time of year. It starts to cool down a bit, the leaves are changing colors, the chaos of summer vacation and travel are winding down. It's the perfect time to kick back and really enjoy what fall is all about: College Football. Yes, my friends, the greatest 4 months of the year are already upon us, and I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am. Granted, I could be in Provo for BYU home games, but I've got the next best thing at my place: A sweet bachelor-pad setup that allows me to view two football games simultaneously.
Since a pasttime of college football fanatics is looking at the box score and all the numbers after the game, let's breakdown the setup in my condo by the numbers:
84: The combined number of inches of viewable television screen between the two TV's in my condo. The specs: 52-inch ol' skool rear-projection TV with a 32-inch HD-LCD placed on top. We call it "Picture-on-picture". And lest we forget, this coincidentally is also the year that Lavell's passionless scowl and our troops donning midriff-revealing 80's jerseys brought home the National Championship.
2: Number of cable boxes in my apartment; # of X-Box's (one ol' skool and one 360); # of speakers taller than 6 feet
7: The presumed number of remote controls in my living room.
4: The amount of remote controls in my living room that can be found at any given time. 8: Number of speakers hooked up to our surround sound. What is it with us (guys) and surround sound? We have to have it because it "enhances the experience," which I find ironic because we spend most of the game complaining about how we would like the commentators to just SHUT UP with their idiotic, uh, commenting. 65: Percent chance that I will have an epileptic seizure based on sensory overload thanks to the continuous combined exposure to the aforementioned devices. Some approximates: ~35-40: The estimated number of years that are shaved off of my life expectancy every time BYU has a close game. (Yes, I should be dead by now...but Asians have a long life expectancy)
~48: Cubic feet the love-sac is occupying in front of the TV.
Some inequalities: <0: Probability that I will not be plopped in front of this sweet setup watching college football on a Saturday between the months of September and January; also, the amount of time left on the clock when Harline caught "the answered prayer" in BYU v. UT in '06 (Yes, I know that a probability of less than 0 is impossible... Asians aren't just good at math, we can use literary devices like hyperbole as well)
>5: Number of times I swear during a close BYU football game.
>200: Number of times I stop myself from swearing during a close BYU football game.
3: Number of hours spent in repentance following a close BYU football game.
