Uncomfortable With My Bank's Spokesman

Bank of America is my bank. They just launched a new set of commercials with Kiefer Sutherland as the narrator.

Now, if there is anything that TV (24) and movies (Phone Booth, The Lost Boys) have taught us about Kiefer, it is that he is an emotionally unstable psychotic. Need an illustration? This is from Season 1 of 24, where he is about to torture someone he needs information from:

"You wouldn't think I could force this towel down your throat, but you'd be wrong. Russian soldiers in Katjata shove towels down prisoners' throats during interrogation. They leave them there until the stomach starts to digest, which only takes a couple of minutes, and then pull the towel out... taking the prisoner's stomach lining with it."

See why I would hesitate to entrust my money to this man? It's not so much that he doesn't instill confidence, but more that he instills fear:

Do I really want the guy who was the creepy caller in Phone Booth handling my mortgage?

What if he's my teller at the bank and he shortchanges me? If I call him on it, I run the risk of him beating me senseless with an improvised weapon (likely a sockful of quarters) just because I questioned him, right?

What if I try to negotiate the rate on my car loan? Do I walk out of there only after he's ripped my fingernails off one at a time?

...I guess what I'm saying is that I am now officially scared to go into my local branch to do anything. This is the worst marketing campaign ever.*

Oh, and don't tell me I'm confusing reality with fiction.


*I guess the only way it could be worse is if they had Anthony Hopkins narrating with his Hannibal Lechter voice.