Movie Pitch: The Riddle That is Ron Artest

Um, I'm going to need some clarification here. (apologies in advance -- this will be a hyperlink-heavy post)

I know that Ron Artest, of "The Malice in the Palace" fame, is an odd duck. His interviews are off the charts when it comes to unintentional comedy, as are his rap albums.

I also acknowledge that the NBA is a completely unfamiliar world to me. There are things that I will never understand about it.

But this CBS Sports article about how Artest ended up with the Lakers is...

...well, just read an excerpt:

Kobe said that after the Lakers lost game six of the '08 NBA Finals in Boston by 39 points, he was alone in the shower, just fuming. He heard somebody walk in and assumed it was one of his teammates, or maybe a staff member. Instead, he looked up, and it was Ron Artest (to this day, Kobe has no idea how Artest got into the locker room).

"I want to come help you," Artest said. "If I can, I'm going to find a way to come to LA and give you the help you need to win a title." (emphasis added)

Does this strike anybody else as a bit...strange? I understand that interactions in men's locker rooms don't exactly follow the established societal norms outside of them, but can you spell homoerotic? (of course you can. I just typed it for you. Dammit.)

I suppose that if the Lakers win (heaven forbid...my Lakers bandwagon-jumping coworkers will be insufferable), some film-maker could capitalize on the occasion and make a documentary about it, and wouldn't even have to film new footage. Here's the immediate visual -- from the waist up, of course -- that came to mind when I read the story: Take the scene from Batman Begins where Bale gets tossed into solitary confinement, Liam Neeson comes out of the shadows, and promises to help him overcome his fears and to become "legend."

It would be perfect. The only requisite tweaks would need to be Bale naked and showering (easy ladies, get a hold of yourselves) and Neeson having to shave some sort of crazy pattern into the side of his head.

(see from the 2:00-mark)



But that's just my take.