A Work Bathroom Tale

Odd stuff happens in the work bathroom: Guys suddenly become uncomfortably loquacious; my ongoing run-ins with bathroom awkwardness are made possible thanks to me inadvertently becoming the "pee buddy" -- someone with whom you share the same "pee schedule" -- of one of the big wigs at work. It's uncomfortable. I mean, he's not good game butt-slapping while I'm at the urinal like Alec Baldwin does to Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly; but it's uncomfortable, nonetheless.

Anyway. I have a work bathroom war story from a friend that tops all previous ones.

Here's how the dialogue went (I don't if there's any unwritten, Protect The Shield-type code amongst men and sharing bathroom stories, but in the interests of my friend's safety, I will anonymize him.):

Anon: dude i just had the weirdest bathroom experience ever
Me: i like where this anecdote is going
Anon: you may regret saying that when this is over
so get this. i'm sitting in the stall, taking care of business
there is another guy in the stall next to me, doing the same thing
so he gets up off the can and i think he's wrapping up
but no
he turns the other direction, pants completely down, and squats
bare a$ showing underneath the stall, and wipes that way
multiple times
like ten times
for all to see
yeah, i don't even know how to explain it
so he's facing the toilet
Me: i need a diagram
Anon: squatting down so his bare a$$ is almost touching the ground
Me: sketch something up in MS Paint and send it to me
Anon: and proceeds to wipe
ok one sec
Me: i was completely joking
Anon: no, it will enhance the experience
Me: you do know i'm going to blog this
Anon: this needs to be shared with the public

And here was the sketch:

My friend wanted to clarify it is not his "best work," and he is "actually trying to burn my eyes out with the acid. not drink it."

Regardless, his courage is admirable; for pushing through his PTSD and coming forward to share his story.