Weekly Selects #17

A little long this week, but got some good content from friends. Thanks to the submitters. Enjoy:

-Via email from Taylor C:

My favorite is the guy in the middle, the guy furthest to the right, and the guy third from the right.

For me, picking a favorite was difficult. It's the same as deciding which Travolta movie from the last decade was the worst: It is subjective and completely impossible; they are all so bad.

In fairness, the US trainers should have been issued some clear and specific instructions on activities that would likely be too taxing on the recruits' amply impaired coordination. Something along the lines of:

1. Brushing teeth: ALLOWED, so long as recruits maintain a safe distance of 20 feet from others
   
2. Walking up/down stairs: ALLOWED UNDER TRAINER SUPERVISION ONLY
   
3. Tying shoes: ALLOWED, but waiver form must be signed first
   
4. Anything remotely resembling athletics and requiring corresponding skills: STRONGLY DISCOURAGED, injury to individual and anyone nearby HIGHLY LIKELY
   
5. Rubbing stomach and patting head, or vice versa: STRICTLY FORBIDDEN; trainees will experience aneurysm-induced full body convulsions, eyeballs will be liquefied, and teeth will shatter.

I mean, really. It's a simple list to put together.

-Via Google Reader share from Rijen, who, knowing my frustrations with the Swedes and their damn IKEA, sent me an article about Swedish-Israeli tensions, as Sweden issued a proposal calling for the EU to recognize East Jerusalem as the capital of a Palestinian state. The Israeli response?

"The peace process in the Middle East is not like IKEA furniture," one official said, making a reference to the do-it-yourself Swedish furniture chain. "It takes more than a screw and a hammer, it takes a true understanding of the constraints and sensitivities of both sides, and in that Sweden failed miserably."

Sure, the Israeli official is right that it's a sensitive issue, but his statement is off because HE doesn't have a true understanding of how difficult it is to assemble IKEA furniture (I do believe I'm operating on some meta-level of argument now). It takes the ability to decipher and understand cryptic drawings and translate them into actionable movements. Much harder than you give it credit for Mr. Israeli official, sir, so be careful with your comparisons.

(Unnecessary endnote: An interesting experiment would be to get the above Iraqi soldiers to assemble an IKEA chest-of-drawers. Did I just blow your mind?!? THAT. JUST. HAPPENED.)

-Via Gchat from the Boiler (from FAIL Blog, titled "EPIC DATE FAIL"):

you need to talk to some people
you can't let that stuff get out on the internet

I...I...have...no words...

But really, I watched Hancock yesterday and Hancock was an a-hole superhero who needed a PR guy to revamp his image. I think Japan needs that -- it is a technologically advanced democracy of intelligent individuals that continues to confound the world with its unparalleled "social weirdo"-to-"normal person" ratio (now easily at a strong 3-to-1) -- and I think I am the one to do it. First order of business: Re-instituting the use of the pillory in public spaces, and making an example of these two and the guy who married the video game character. Even Human Rights' groups would KNOW that I was justified.

-Via email from Rye, with the accompanying explanatory background from the originator:

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations.  The bad news is that I had to take him down after two days.  I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.  Two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn’t realize that the body was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy).  By the way, she was one of the many people who attempted to do that.  My yard couldn’t take it either.  I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.”

I don't know whether or not to applaud the man.