Ever since Mrs. RoSA bought me
The Hobbit for my birthday and I devoured -- I kid you not, I literally
ate the book -- in three days, I have been revisiting the movies a little bit at a time over the last few weeks. They are as good as ever. Some opinions/immutable truths:
1)
Fellowship is still the best of the three, and I challenge anyone to convince me otherwise. Sean Bean (Boromir) and Ian McKellan (Gandalf) are amazing.
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| My boy Sean steals the show -- and also makes an attempt at the Ring |
2) They should make special edition Blu-Rays that have a "Frodo & Sam Scene" filter. My tolerance for hobbits longingly staring at each other is very low -- last I checked, it was 0 -- so I essentially skip all of their scenes in
The Two Towers and
The Return of the King now. The movies are much shorter that way, anyway.
3) In cinematic history, has there been a more worthless protagonist than Frodo? I challenge the readers to present me with one (I'm throwing down all kinds of gauntlets...I must be feeling particularly belligerent today), because I am hard-pressed to think of a character that has contributed less to the success of a mission than Frodo Baggins of the Shire.* I've never seen a protagonist so quickly and so completely plummet from "well, he's not very useful, but at least he tries hard" (
Fellowship) to "good grief -- watching Frodo's disintegration into pathetic worthlessness is like the Middle Earth metaphor for Lindsay Lohan's personal life" (
Two Towers and
Return). Literally, there is a scene in
The Return of the King when he is collapsed on the mountain-side, looks up as if he is going to do something compelling, crawls on all fours for one,
maybe two feet, then collapses in a pitiful heap.**
I guess a testament to the quality of these movie-making is that I despise the protagonist so much yet still love the movies.
*Bumbling idiots like Inspector Closeau in
The Pink Panther do not count as candidates here, because the whole point of those movies is that they are bumbling idiots that just happen to succeed.
**I just Googled "Worthless Movie Protagonists" and nothing of value showed up. We can do this, people!
4) I do a killer Gimli impression. But only of him yelling. So basically my impersonation repertoire has been expanded from "Bruce Lee with Sunglasses" to "Bruce Lee with Sunglasses" and "Yelling Dwarf." The audition calls for acting roles should start pouring in now.
5) Because I never saw
Fellowship in the theater, I'm constantly asking Mrs. RoSA how the audience responded to certain scenes in the film. I think she's getting sick of saying "yes, Josh, everyone was balling when Gandalf fell off the bridge," as she watches me wipe my eyes yet again.
6) Speaking of that scene of Gandalf falling, how about that expression on Aragorn's face (see below)? This is less the look of someone thinking "Man...my boy Gandalf just plunged to his death" and more the look of "Oh shiz. That means I'm in charge, doesn't it?"
The picture quality is poor, but it says "Why was the tomato blushing?"
